12 year old's ADD/ODD BHVR

[Betht]

Help!I am a single div. Mom of 2 boys,12&14, w/limited means. My youngest is ADD/ODD, and deilights in starting fights,pushing buttons, going after others,getting into trouble at school. He got stabbed twice by another ^th grdr. at shool once in the forearm and then in the shoulder/lower chest area, with a wood pencil.I havebeen a stay at home parent for all of his yearsHe says he is my joband my life. it breaks my heart. I don't understand where he's coming from. He's started fires, lies , took 725$ from Grma's purse in 2 raids
I am sick about it. He seems to have no conscience,and i am afraid he will wind up in jail. It's not fair 2 anyone in the house,esp. my oldest. It's constant push. I'm worn out,exhausted, frustrated, heartbroken. We're very limited fro doing anything to him, because he threatens to call police and Soc. Services on anything, and also looks you straight in the eyes and lies. Help'anyone? betht

[ljhannah]

Well my son is adhd with odd, so I know how hard it can be. first I want to ask if he is on meds. and if so what kind some time the meds can make behavior worse, so its a must to keep your doc. informed.
Also, if your a single mom and daddy is not helping look into fl. kid care, it is an insurance for kids only and cost is a sliding scale. Also the HRS office will hunt him down for his child support, if you aply there. they will take his wadges and tax return until he is cought up.
Just a tough love hint next time he threatens to call the cops or child services do it for him, they are on your side not his, and fyi spanking is not against the law, so dont let him try and use that. We (my hubby and I) went so far as to take our 11 year old son to the jail house for a visit, the police where great and we scared some respect right into him. just be strong and let him know no matter what, you ARE in charge! One thing I have learned is once a child thinks he can control you it's all down hill from there!

[Betht]

Hi. Thanks for your input. Happy 4th. Sunny days, and keep your head up. hannah. He was on meds.They do not want him on meds during the Summer, and he doesn't want to take them, at all. Phys., he's almost as big as I am. He feels like he shouldn't have to help w/the phys. related expenses, glasses, meds, the uncovereds, like dental, too. I'm going to see if we qualify for the state Ins. Glad that you have someone to help you with your son. I've been hearing bits and pieces on the radio about a new beh. prog. that is "supposed to work miracles." Does anybody know what it is? And is your son taking anything that relates to the ODD?The ODD is alot harder to deal with than the AADD. For some reason, part of my message went to the top, so very sorry, ljhannah. betht

[lynnsaysgarden]

Hello, Your situations are tough and you are not alone. Many families are being faced with this problem more and more. Have you researched chemical exposures as a cause for certain behaviors your children are experiencing.

Here are a couple links that may help. Please email me if you would like more. I represent a company that has helped many families in your situations, though they had younger children.

http://www.rmbarry.com/research/toxics_schools.html

http://www.rmbarry.com/research/toxics_children.html

Lynnsays Garden

[ljhannah]

Reading back over my post it sounds a little harsh! I do have help, not only with my hubby but also a family of overly helpful in laws. lol

No my son is not on any meds they don't help him, they only made it worse. He is homeschooled because of it but that is also something I can do because of hubby.

My son is now taller then me at age 12, but he only tried to got physical with me once and I called him on it he reluctantly backed down, but I do know some kids might not have. Maybe what he needs is a good out let. If "Dad" is unwilling to step up try a big brother program, where they pair a so called troubled youth with an older brother. I know my son always responds better when he has some one to please, and he knows he is doing some thing right or at least better.

For you I would try and find a local support group, just to have people who have been there and can give better advice. Either a single parent group or a ADHD group. Or even a local hotline for the really trying times. Ask your doc. about some near you I'm sure he/she would have a list.

Until then good luck!

[Betht]

No, I hadn't thought of anything being environmentally che. related, but I have wondered if it could be genetic. I have major depression His Dad does not believe in "Shrinks", but I have suspected something possibly similar for him also, Majorly wonder if that would mean that G. has to deal with the chem.imbal. issue, too? G. has this "i am your master, I am the master of the world thing going. I get really frustrated because I am not getting through. Over $100 has disappeared from Mom's purse again. We don't know who. but they are retired, and can't afford it. hannah, and lynngrdn, thanks for your replies.

[Earl425]

Hello. Yes you have a problem in your life for certain. Most people do not want to hear the truth nor deal with these similiar issues realisticly. There is only one way to handle it. I told you your basics above, now i will tell you where you stand. What started this is called the "source", yes the source. Someone you don't even suspect has taught this 12/14 yr old the areas of the law in a way so he can CONTROL you. He has been turned into a criminal minded person. And my guess is you will stop listening to my advice now based on what i said of the criminal statement. He is probably on crack which is an epidemic right now. He needs urine and blood test done right NOW. Next..stop trying to handle this now and do get authorities involved, This situation you are in right now sadly was easier to deal with in the 50's and 60's because girls and boys were placed in reform schools with a military type environment. Call your local CPS and say you no longer can care for the child and let them handle this where they have the medical assist and abilities to handle this because they have WITNESSING that prevents taught liers as i mentioned above that have been taught how to CONTROL their parents by a SOURCE. What you're going to probably find after all of this is simply some crack people in some close by apartments taught your child this. Signs of crack. Agressive behavior..screaming in anger..no appetite for 3 days then sudden enormous apetite..up for several days..then a 12 hour drop off in sleep land...and taught knowledges from the ones that started them on the substance such as how to DEFEAT you. But as i said, most people will be angry at what i just stated in whole or ignore it and look for fairy tale answers.

Earl

[Betht]

Thank you, Earl, for your input. We don't have the access for finances for drugs. From long term observations, I would have a tendency to think it would probably be naturally biologicly related- I am thinking possibly bipolar.

[starrsemp]

I have a 10 year old daughter that has ADHD. I completely understand the frustration that goes along with this. At ten she stands 5ft tall and weighs 110 lbs . When she would get angry it tended to get a little scary. I did some research and found that certain foods and chemicals can contribute to a child's behavior. I didn't like her to be medicated so I made some changes in my home that have made a huge difference.
1- I converted to all natural cleaning products.

2- I removed all sugar and caffeine from her diet along with processed foods and foods high in sodium

3- I plan every minute of her day down to the time that she brushes her teeth every day. this gives her consistency and comfort.

4- I make sure that she understands that I am the parent and she is the child.

It took about 4-6 months for us to convert to this but i have to tell you that it has made a workd of difference in our house. Also I would not hesitate to take a trip to your local police station for the stealing and the fighting and show them exactly where they are headed and that all actions have consequences. I hope that some of this info helps.

If your are interested in learning how to convert your home email me at starrsemp@gmail.com

[Earl425]

Well Beth, as i stated, i figured you would choose fairy tale solutions. You say the financial isn't there????? You told us the kid stole from their grandmothers purse and yours. Crack head kids don't need money for that habit, a 10 dollar fix does it for them for 3 days. And you still aren't getting this kid blood test nor urine test. Keep living in dream world. Your brat is on crack plain and simple. The rage will get worse. I see why the kid got in this direction, it is because you're stupid.

Earl

[starrsemp]

Betht- PLEASE PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE RANTS OF THE IGNORANT. IT IS VERY HARD TO REACH OUT AND ASK FOR HELP. THOSE OF US WHO DON'T HAVE ANY USEFUL INFORMATION SHOULD TAKE A CLASS AND FIND SOME ---^ BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

[Betht]

Dear Earl:
My life isn't an easy one, it can be very difficult, and often is. I do not feel that I am stupid, I am above average intelligence, and, am actually quite bright. I really appreciate the informative points of view. I was disturbed by your comments, I do not feel they were wuarranted, nor deserved. if you do things that make the world brighter 4 others, God Bless You, as in Star's case, and my thanks also go out to the others who have given me so much info, and positive direction and hope. Earl, when I say my prayers, you will be included. And by the way, when someone is drowning, you throw them a rope, you don't castigate them for being unfortunate enough to be there. As far as my son, I do realize that some compassion for him might be needed as well.. I am not stupid, but I am bipolar, and my exh. has issues,also. These are chemical imbalances caused by your body in the first place. These are also thought to be inherited, so some of this might be either something that makes his beh. worse, or that he can't get a thumb on. I sure don't approve of his behavior, but neither can I make a snap decision on unfounded evidence. Earl, my hope for you is that none of your close family are ever unfortunate to have this. Again, to all of the others who have been so great, God bless, and thank you, Keep your heads up when it starts to get 2 you. Betht

[sheri.krizka]

I was looking over the post on this subject about a child w/ issues.
This is just my opinion and advice and i hope it can help.
1st you need to step out of the box and look inward and at the home environment your child is in.
Evaluate it and make a list of changes needed. Do not look at it as a quick fix or as a mother that makes excuses for behavior.
You need to give him limits and if he ignores those limits then find a punishment appropriate to his crime.
No matter how small the infraction do not give an inch. His behavior as it seems has become unexcusable and looks like tough love is in order.
Being Fair, Firm, and Consistant is KEY.
Consistancy is (in my opinion) the most important.
For Example: A child touches something on the table you tell him/her no at 2pm then he/she touches it again at 3pm and you say no don't touch. then and hour later that child touches it in you sight and you ignore it. That child has tested a limit and you let it happen. It is now not that childs fault it is yours. You sent mixed messages by not correcting it consistantly.
This was just an example not literal.
Take him to your local jail and let him see what goes on there. If he has become violent I suggest getting the police involved and maybe a weekend in juevenile when he steals again might wake him up.
ADD/ADHD can not be allowed to be his excuse and if you allow that to be the cause for his behavior he will be crippled for the rest of his life.
He chooses to act out badly not his illness.
If you continue to allow ADD/ADHD to be the excuse for his behavior you are at fault for his behavior not him.
Don't allow him to rule you. YOU are the parent and YOU decide what he can or cannot do.
Sheri

[Earl425]

Beth !!!!!!!!!! Yes i am hollering at YOU because your butt won't LISTEN...

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

HELLO HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM


TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

That's where it starts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAGE AND STEALING FROM THOSE AT HOME AS GRANDMA AND YOUR PURSE AND HER PURSE AND HIM HITTING YOU ASSAULTING YOU AND STABBINGS AT SCHOOL EQUAL A BRAT ON CRACK!!!!!!!!!

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM


Now go here and read the SIGNS and ACTIVITIES and BEHAVIOR OF CRACK HEADS!!!!!!!!!!

www.crackreality.com

The reason i keep calling you STUPID is because you behave in STUPOR...again!!!!!!!!!!!
TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

To Sheri above my post....Your POST makes some SENSE ..Unlike the others.

To Beth again...You go and...

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

And tell us the results and then and only then will i help you!!!! Because if you do not

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

Then you will be at FAULT AND THE CAUSE

Then Beth you go on and say you are BIPOLAR...Okay Beth be BIPOLAR and good luck in that regard dear..BUT..if BIPOLAR MOM cannot deal with a substance addicted child then MOM needs to let someone who can. So Beth again..if i am an ahole in my replies, then prove me wrong and do what any DOCTOR or LAWYER or POLICEMAN would SUGGEST and have a

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

Where??? Go to any local pre employment drug screening clinic or any regualr clinical facility and it cost between 50 and 120.

TAKE HIM AND HAVE A URINE AND BLOOD TEST DONE ON HIM

Signed,
Earl

[Betht]

Hey, Earl, our income is around $650 a month, which is terribly tight. Is there a place to go to be tested for free? If there was, and irt would make you happy, I would. As to what several of these ladies have said, it makes alot of sense, and is there any way to use the Pub.Lib.INET System to copy it, so I could have it at home? Can anyone tell me? Thanks, Beth